Love & Hate

Love & Hate…  Ihad a very eventful morning today.  Icame into contact with two strangers – one that that expressed hate and onethat expressed love. 

Hate Filled Rage:

While I was driving to work, a man was crossing the streetgoing in the same direction that I was driving. I stopped at the stop sign andwatched as the man and his daughter crossed the street going in my samedirection. Suddenly, with out even looking to see of any cars were coming, hestop midway in the street and tried to cross right in front of my moving car.Thankfully I was not driving too fast and was able to slow down to stop as heand his daughter crossed the street. Instead of looking my way and saying thank you (because obviously, youdo not stop in the middle of the street and try to cross into  oncoming traffic) he looked at me with completehate and started to yell out at me “You Ignorant  #%R*&!”  Thankfully I did not hear the end of that statement, because I rolled upmy care window. But by the look of pure hate on his face, he was probably goingtop call me a  B*tch or a N*gger (he wasnot of the same race).  I usually don’tassume such things, but he had pure hate in his eyes, which was completely irrationallybecause he was in the wrong. My first thought as I drove away, is that they guywas probably already angry about something else and maybe even racist (whoknows…). And most importantly, how could he put his child in danger by crossinginto incoming traffic with out evening looking to see if any cars were comingtheir way. The whole thing completely threw me off guard. And my beautifulmorning, at that moment was ruined by this person irrational hateful reaction towardsme.

Unbiased Love:

After parking my car, I started to work towards the buildingI worked at.  A gentleman came to a stopas he saw me and a few ladies on another street walking by. He asked in a verygenuine tone – “How can it be, that all the women in this city are so verybeautiful?”   I instantly blushed andsaid I did not know and thank him for the kind compliment.  He then said with this beautiful smile andglow on his face “You are welcome beautiful lady.” It warmed my heart thatsomeone would stop their day to give such a beautiful message. And he had sucha look of piece and joy in his face that I knew he was a coming from a goodplace in his heart when he spoke to me.

Two completely different experiences, from two completestrangers. Both of a different culture and age groups. One filled with irrationalhate and one filled with genuine love for others.

Alicia Keys - Un-thinkable (I'm Ready)

Alicia Keys has an amazing song out called "Un-thinkable (I'm Ready)".  Along with the song, Alicia made a very powerful video, that touches on the racial tensions that surround interracial relationships. The video begins in the 1950s, where Alicia's character faces anger and disapproval from her community for dating someone that is of a different race. The video covers over 6 decades, to the present day, showing that not much has changed since that time. 

This video really impressed me because I could feel a lot of the emotions from the scenes that reminded me of what I went through in my own life. My relationship with my boyfriend, who is a different race, is amazing - because he is amazing!!  Not because his skin is a different color than mine. Being a part of a interracial relationship is no different then being in a relationship with someone of your own race. The only difference is that there are people in the world that choose to treat you with hate, because of their own ignorance or self hatred.

"This is my and my boyfriend's song. Its unfortunate that others can't see the love we share for each other. instead they see a Latin and African American together and start to judge. Love is deeper than skin color."

- Nancy  

"In the video (from the 50s to the 2000s), people have not been accepting interracial relationships. She [Alicia] just shows that prejudice has not changed much since 60 years ago." - Caitlin H.

"It's crazy how not much has changed since back in the day. I use to think racism was dead until this summer when my mom found out my boyfriend was black. She freaked out. Race doesn't matter. Let's be more open-minded than previous generations and end racism! Finally." - MGL

"Interracial Love is beautiful! This song isn't attacking black men nor white men or anything just stating a truth, as to how it once was and in some areas, still is!!! Please grow up and recieve knowledge and understanding becasue IGNORANCE is not a pretty trait!!!" - Y.A.M

"I think that interracial love is beautiful, and also natural. We live in the 21st century, and I would hope to think that you would be able to date anyone, no matter race or origin, without being judged for your own decision. Just because you prefer white men over black man does not make you self hating, just as preferring black men does not make you a racist against white men. It's just preference, I think that the whole point of the video is, that LOVE is colorblind." - B.B.C

This song is one of many great songs off of Alicia Key's album "The Element of Freedom".

Stand up to Ignorance - NO to Six Flags!!!

I posted a story about Six Flags a while back. They have a new policy that they will not hire any one with dreadlocks, because they consider our hair to be "radical" and that it would distract from their image. This is absolutely ridiculous!  I am very sadden by this new policy and upset that I ever spent a dime of my money at Six Flags. Until they change their policy, I will never step foot in their theme parks again. So now it's our turn to make sure that Six Flags knows that this is not OK!

Sign the Petition!!!!! Six flags can not get away with discriminating against individuals with dreadlock's. They can't hire us but they can take our money... not gonna happen. This not only affects the Africam American community, but any beautiful individual that has loc's, dreadlock's or sisterloc's. I have already signed the petition, and this is what I had to say:

"Discrimination comes in all forms. Not hiring someone because they have dreadlock's is hateful and wrong. I have beautiful dreadlocks that are neat and clean. I have worked in a corporate environment where I have supported Directors of major companies. And never once did my hair become a distraction to my ability to a good job. I will not support or go to Six Flags until they have changed their policy."

What can we do to stop this policy?

Just say NO!: Do not support Six Flags by spending your money there.

Sign the petition:  Call to Abolish Six Flags' Discriminatory Grooming Policy
Read and Share:  Six Flags Discriminates and Washington Post Article
Join: Friends For Freedom
Spread the word!: Please share this story with your friends. Post this on twitter. Share it on your blog and or social network. Let's make sure that everyone knows that they are supporting this policy by spending their money at Six Flags!

If we say it is ok to discriminate against people with dreadloc's, what will be next??!?  What if they decide that any hair style that is culturally rich is too radical? Afro's, braids, twist...  What will be next?

The Colour of Beauty

“I need a Black model, but she has to be like a White girl dipped in chocolate.”

"Black Women are not our demographic."

Check out this short film called The Colour of Beauty. It talks about the blatant racism against Black models and the Fashion Industries favoritism for white models, locally and internationally. 

- picture and video source  ClutchMagazineOnline.

Can I touch your hair?!?

I originally saw this video on Holistic Loc's, and loved it instantly. I have gotten some of these questions. And yes, folks do just come up and just start touching my hair! Thank you Chescalocs for creating this video.

Six Flags Denied!!!

Sadly enough, my family as supported Six Flags by buying season passes two years in a row. But today, I read a post about Six Flags on a cool blog called Loc Rocker, that there is actual discrimination happening in the company against people with dreadlocks. Six Flags will not hire people with dreadloc's! I am appalled by this, and will not spend money with their park, until they have changed their policies. I plan to write a letter to them expressing my disappointment. And to let them know that this form or discrimination is unacceptable and they have lost a customer because of it. Check out the video below, that describes the incident that brought this news to light.

What would you do??

What if you had a daughter with beautiful curly hair; and you always made it a point to teach her to be proud of her beautiful natural texture.

One day, your daughter goes to a relatives house and is told by the relative that they want to straighten your daughters hair. Your child is then told lies like "you will like it because it will be be easier to style your hair." Or "It will be easier to take care of your hair when its straight" or  "If its straight it will be easier when its time for a trim."

Your daughter, thinking its cool and something new... goes along with the bull being feed to her and comes home with straight hair.  You of course do not want to upset your child by reacting unfavorably, but is disappointed that the relative would be so shallow and thoughtless to tell your child that - any thing other than her natural hair is beautiful.  And to also put your child's hair through a damaging process of altering its natural state. Other than cussing out the relative in response to this act... lol. What would you do?!?

US Senator Dianne Feinstein Responds

Hello everyone,

A while back, I did a post on US Air Force Discrimination against women and men, that are on active duty and have dreads / loc's. There is a current ban, that states that if you do have dreads or loc's that you have to cut them off in order to follow regulations. From what I have read, and from what a few people that are on active duty have told me, is that the US Air Force considers Dreads to be a unprofessional and untidy way of a person wearing their hair. In other words, who ever created the ban (and ignorant person in a place of power), doesn't like Dreads because they think they look bad.

I signed a petition to change this regulation; and below is the response I received from US Senator Dianne Feinstein response on Friday, October 2nd, 2009:

Dear Mrs. .... :

Thank you for writing to express your concerns about Air Force regulation 36-2903, titled Dress and Personal Appearance, which was recently updated to include a ban on dreadlocks. I appreciate hearing from you on this topic and welcome the opportunity to respond.

Like you, I have great respect for the role that African American women are playing in our Armed Forces, and understand your contention that the updated regulations governing hairstyle force these women to choose between cutting their hair and chemically treating it in order to conform to the regulation. You may be interested to learn that according to the Air Force, braids, micro-braids, and cornrows that are neat, clean, and professional are acceptable ways of maintaining hair and are unaffected by the new ban on dreadlocks.

Be assured that I have noted your views, and will keep them in mind should the Senate have the opportunity to discuss the appropriateness of this regulation.

Again, thank you for writing. I hope you will continue to keep in touch on issues of importance to you. Should you have any further comments or questions, please feel free to contact my Washington, D.C. office at (202) 224-3841. Best regards.

Sincerely yours,

Dianne Feinstein
United States Senator

I am happy to see that there was some sort of response from the Senators office. I has not solved the issue, but at least I voiced my opinion. The petition is still alive and well. If you have not signed it yet, please take moment to sign by clicking here.

"Did you Add to it?"

I got a really interesting question this past Saturday at my daughters Soccer game. I try not to dwell on the negative, when it comes to creating content for this blog. But the comment keeps nagging at me. The best way to get something out of your system is to talk about it. It was not a extremely major incident, but none the less, it stood out to me as odd.

So I am sitting down with my fellow soccer moms, and a lady (mother of a family friend) that I have not seen for a while recognized me before I saw her. So she starts to say hey... I almost didn't recognize you. Then she makes her hands go up and down as she looks at my hair and says "You added to it!"

I at first I froze... lol. I didn't quite understand what the hell she was talking about. But then I realized that she somehow thought that my hair was artifice and that I could just add to it to make it longer. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she did not mean any harm. Ignorance often comes from just not being educated on certain matters. So I just turned to her and politely said "It's growing." And she then said "Ohhh....." as if that was an odd theory; and then went on her way... lol. So it was not a huge thing. I just needed to get it out of my system. Thank you for reading!

Acceptance

I just decided to reject a really negative comment that someone left today. I think everyone is beautiful. All races and all cultures are beautiful. All skin colors and all hair types, are worth praise.

So I always find it very odd when someone has hatred or racism against other cultures, but that they still fill the need to read our blogs. I just don't get it. If you don't like dreadlocks and have issues with our culture: meaning any one with natural hair - why waste your time visiting our sites, that are about this subject. I respect all opinions when they are constructive, useful and positive. There is no place for hate-filled messages on this blog. If that is where you heart is, please click next to go to another blog.

Much love to all of my positive, intelligent blogger friends and faithful readers.

Say what?!?

I received an email message from a fellow natural hair wearer, recently; and I read a quote from a talented loctician's page on Facebook. Both of these messages got me to thinking. So I thought I would share these following experiences with you all, and see if any of you could relate?

From Tammy: “I have been wearing my hair natural, on and off for about 17 years. I have had every hairstyle, except a jheri curl and a weave. I notice there is a superiority level, within the natural hair care world. I have 21-month-old locks. A women, wearing twist, in the super market hold her purse, as I walked by - as if I was going to rob her. There seems to be a negative ignorance with a lot of people, I notice, as if there is a fear of loc’s. A lot of people associate loc’s with crime… I’ve experienced negative attention from people looking directly at my loc’s and turning their purse and holding their wallet.” Tammy ends her message by saying she wishes everyone would “embrace difference.”

From Theirry Baptist: "Why does a sister who is natural, feel comfortable with giving a perm sister a compliment, without feeling inferior. But sisters with perms compliments to natural sisters, have to be piggybacked with self-hate. For example: “Your loc's r beautiful, but I couldn’t do it because of my man, church, career, or texture is too nappy.” So my suggested response is “Thank you and F*** you…" lol. On the real, prayer for them."

Both of these messages brought back many memories for me. I have had many folks cross the street when they see me coming. Hold their purse tighter and or even grab their kids as I approach. Is it really that bad? Me, a mother of 2, that has never committed a crime, never been in a fight. Very kindhearted. But my hair and or color seems to give others a certain impression of who I am... wow. And I have also got tons of the back sided compliments. "Your hair is cute, but I couldn't do it cause..." etc, etc. Lol... I tend to tune out the excuses that are given and try to just focus on the positive part of the message - which is that the person can at least admire the beauty of natural hair.

US Air Force Discrimination

I received an email from Biany, about a regulation that US Air Force has, regarding dress code, that clearly discriminates against women wearing their hair in a dreadlocks / loc'd style, or in a short afro style. Oddly enough, I am not surprised. But non the less - this is unacceptable! Please read Biany's email below and find out how you can help stop this type of discrimination from continuing.

Greetings Sister Karen:

I am one of your biggest fans. I have been following your website and blog for months. Thank you for this great avenue for women of color to share their thoughts and celebrate their natural hair. I was hoping that you can share this link below to friends of your blog/website One of my close friends who is in the US Air Force is being forced to chop her locks and relax her hair. We are asking everyone we know to sign this petition and also send a letter to your state representatives. Here is a brief synopsis of the matter at hand. Please share with everyone you know. Thank you in advance for your support!

It has come to my attention that the United States Air Force has a regulation, AFI36-2903 DRESS AND PERSONAL APPEARANCE OF AIR FORCE PERSONNEL, which in part, discriminates against African-American women serving in the Air Force. The code was recently updated to include a bans on a common natural African-American hairstyle, which the Air Force has called "dreadlocks". Female personnel with neat, clean, professional well-kept hair are being forced to choose between cutting their hair and treating it with chemicals to conform with this regulation which I feel unfairly and unnecessarily discriminates against African-Americans. The regulation itself does not define "dreadlocks". This leaves women with hair that is in no means a distraction or a detriment to their duties, subject to disciplinary action.

Copy and Paste the link below:

http://www.rallycongress.com/treasuredlocks/937/

Peace & Blessings,

Biany

Horrible YouTube video...

A blog friend, by the name of Christy, sent me a link to a story related to a recent YouTube Video that was pulled, because of its content. The video shows a woman abusing her child, while trying to comb the daughters hair. I felt such a big wave of sadness when I saw this video. The video was so disturbing to me, that I decided not to post it on this blog.

There is no mistaking, that what is happening on this video, is abusive. The woman is cursing at her kid. And saying so many completely inappropriate things. Making the child feel as if her "nappy hair" is horrible and needs to be fix. And that the girl had to deal with the pain, inorder to be beautiful again. The mother is smiling in response to her daughters pain. The little girl is screaming for it to stop; and the child is fighting to get away. It just broke my heart to hear and to see this.

I understand how difficult it is to comb out knots, but I would never do this to any child. There are so many things you can do to prevent a child from feeling pain or discomfort when combing out tangles. Conditioning beforehand, is the biggest thing that helps. Combing out the hair in sections, helps. Washing it with a dangling shampoo first, helps. I don't think this woman had or has a clue. If she does understand that there is a better way, shame on her for putting that little girl through that. I question the sister and mothers motive for not only filming this video, but for actually laughing as the child cried in pain.

The Roots talked about how crazy this video is, and how with the help of a few YouTube viewers, the incident was reported to authorities for child abuse. The original video was pulled (deleted) from youtube. Unfortunately one youtube user did not see what the big deal was, and re-posted it. That is one video, I have no desire to see again. The sound of the little girl shouting is haunting. Check out the story Beauty, the Brush and Black Girl Pain on The Roots to read more.

RE: Garnier Commercial Anti Afro?!?

Good morning everyone,

The Garnier company just responded to my email complaint regarding one of their recent culturally insensitive commercials.

**(Please note that the pictures are for imagery purposes only. They are not directly from the Garnier commercial).

I appreciate their quick response, but I just hope that they will actually take this serious and not just brush it off. Here is there response:

July 17, 2009

Dear Mrs. ........,

Thank you for letting us know how you feel about the commercial for our styling product. We truly apologize if it offended you and your family in any way.

The opinions of our consumers are important to us when making decisions about our products, services and advertising. We value you as a customer and will forward your comments to the appropriate individual in our company.

Sincerely,
Alice
Consumer Affairs Coordinator
Ref # 5170802

Garnier Commercial Anti Afro?!?

The Garnier company has put out a new commercial. I actually like their products and have bought from them before, for my daughters hair. But they have a new commercial that has me a little peeved. I just emailed them my concerns, and I hope that they will respond. See below to read the email I sent to Garnier, and to see why I was so annoyed by their new commercial:

**(Please note that the pictures are for imagery purposes only. They are not directly from the Garnier commercial).

Email Sent:

Hello,

My family is a fan of your products. My daughters enjoy how your products make their hair feel. Although we use a combination of other products, we do sometimes buy the Fructis line when we can. That being said, I was very surprised by a new commercial that I saw today - on 7/15/2009, for a product that stops hair from frizzing up from moisture. The commercial begins with a Caucasian model with long straight hair. A drop of water falls on her head and then her hair turns into a large Afro. The model then screams, as a man comes over to trim her hair with hedge clippers, and the commercial then says that the product can "fix" her hair so that it is long, shiny and straight again. Although I do understand the purpose of the product, I think it was poorly illustrated in this commercial. African American woman wear Afros all the time. It is a beautiful hairstyle that does not need to be fixed. Because of this, your commercial comes off as offensive to those of us who have naturally kinky hair, and have no desire to change that part of ourselves. To see a commercial, telling the world, that your product can fix what looked to be like a beautiful Afro... just seemed wrong. I am sure that it is a great product, but I think it should have been showcased in a way that does not offend other cultures. I hope that in efforts to make commercials that appeal to everyone, that your marketing department, in the future, will stop and think about these things, before putting together new commercials.

Karen .........

________________________________________________

So that was my email to them. I will give you all a heads up if I actually receive a response. Again, I do like this company for the most part. I am just very disappointed in the way they recently chose to market a new product. I hope that they will not a lose a customer (me). And a response from them, may stop that from happening....

"Whites Only"... WTF !?!

This weekend, while visiting a local park, my family and I were on a nice little stroll around a pond at Montclair Park. As we were walking my mom noticed something, and pulled me aside. On a fountain, someone wrote "Whites only - No Negro".

I was shocked! I felt like I was transported back in time to the 1960's, where "Whites Only" signs were every where. Could this be real. Could there really be an idiot out there, writing racial slurs, just filled with hate and completely uneducated. Like someone from back in the old days, when Martin Luther King had to March for our rights. Just a damn shame... After all this time, you think people would have better sense.

But, I have to say one thing - Montclair is a nice city. This one ignorant person, that wrote this, does not represent the city of Montclair. But damn, I guess every village has an idiot.

_____________________________________________

*Update! The park that I visited is located in Northern California. Montclair is a small town located within Oakland, California.

"Good Hair" ... Part 4 (feedback from YouTube)

Thank you Shuantae for sharing these videos on YouTube. Very well stated and put together. I agree with you! Every ones "hair is good hair"!! No matter the texture, color or style.






To check out Shuantae on YouTube, click here.

What is good Hair? ...Part 3

I have two other post on the whole "Good Hair" topic (blog part one and two) because it is such a big issue. I really should have addressed it way before I saw the Tyra Bank's show yesterday. I guess I just hoped, blindly, that the issue was not as relevant. One of the guest on the show, was a loc'd sistah. I don't know her name (see her picture on the side --->), but she represented well. She told her fellow guest, that were clueless, and the audience that having natural hair is something to be proud of. That we need to take that part of our beauty and heritage back! It has been taking away from us through shame and hate. And that it is up to us to reclaim it.

Let's make sure that our young woman understand that they are beautiful not matter what! They do not need to alter the texture of their hair to be amazing little queens.

You can see more from Knp512 (as she is known on you tube) here, and she has her own website.

"Good Hair" Part 2

I watched the Tyra Banks show today, and the topic was "What is Good Hair?", and I was surprised at how angry I was at some of the guest on the show. This mom decided that she need to start perming her 3 year-old daughters hair, so it wouldn't look nappy. Even though the girl cried during the whole perming process, the mom still wants to do it, so that her daughter will have "good hair".

This mom is teaching her own child that if someone has nappy hair, that they are lower class! She even even admitted that she refused to date a black man, because she did not want to have 'kinky headed babies'...

And the last one, decided that not only did she need to perm her daughters hair, but she also puts a weave in her daughters hair so it's "more manageable" and easier to style. Toward the end, she admitted that she thought her little girls hair looked better with the weave.

I think what really hit a nerve (I got really emotional), is when they had the little girls talking about hair styles. There were a group of about 5 girls, all pretty young. One little African American girl said she only feels pretty when she wears her blond wig and that she wanted to wear it everyday. All of the girls where shown different kinds of wigs with different textures and colors. When they were asked which one of the hair styles they would not want, they all pointed to the kinky hair afro wig. I was just so sadden by that, that I cried.



It hurts a lot to see these 5 beautiful young African American and Multicultural girls, at this day and age, still have the same struggle that we had when we were younger. I grew up hating my hair, my naps and always wishing I could have straight long hair. My mom did her best to teach me and show me how beautiful I was. But the pressure from peers and all the images that I saw daily told me otherwise.

The one part of the show that really stood out to me as being a step in the right direction, was when it was discussed that the term "Good Hair" came from the days when black people were slaves. If you had hair that was smooth, "silky" or straighter than others - you were treated better by your slave owner. You were able to work in the house, eat better food, wear better clothes and possibly receive some education. Those days are over! And so should the use of the term "Good Hair". It is crazy that we still think this way. It hurts us, our children and their children. I hope that our generation can make changes with our own children so that this doesn't continue to repeat itself. So see a video clip from the show, click here.

"Good Hair"

Tyra Banks talk show is going to be talking about "good hair" on Tuesday, May 12th. I like Tyra (especially her show - America's Next Top Model), but she is any thing but "natural". But what I like about her is that she will take her weave off in a minute and say that it is not her hair. And that she can look beautiful without it. But I would still like for Tyra to really back that up, and wear her own hair more often. On this upcoming Tuesday show, Tyra topic is "good hair" and it looks interesting. They showed a preview and Tyra is sporting her cornrow hair style for the show.

There is one guest that talks about how she perms her little girls hair. I hope not to offend any one, but I think perming a kids hair when they don't even know what its all about, is wrong. It really should be an informed decision based on the reality of what chemicals do to your hair; and the issue of changing who you are to please others. But I could go on for days about that... I am gonna check out the show on Tuesday and write about what happens. It's a topic that has been around forever and probably continue to plague our community. I think everyone in the world has good hair... lol. Not just certain races. If any one watches this episode on Tuesday, come tell us what you thought of the show.